During the past few days, the talk of the town on social media was the famous Egyptian Fashion Designer M.K being accused of sexually harassing young male models while using his power and reputation to silence them. The story began when one of the models who were working with the designer exposed the whole thing, then more stories from other models or male survivors followed. The fact that all of these recently told stories took place years ago with no one opening up about, raised the question “why would it take a male long to talk about assault?”
Males deal with assault differently
Dr. Ibrahim Hussein, the Head of Psychiatry department in Ain Shams university, said the idea of being a victim would be very hard to handle for any human, but in a society where almost everyone was raised to believe that a man should be able to defend himself against all odds, or that he should be willing to risk his life or severe injury to protect his pride and self-respect, it would be even harder for a male to open up and appear in a state of complete vulnerability.
Hussein: many male survivors might even question whether they deserved or somehow wanted to be sexually assaulted
Hussein also pointed out that many male survivors might even question whether they deserved or somehow wanted to be sexually assaulted because, in their minds, they failed to defend themselves. Male survivors would frequently see their assault as a loss of manhood and get disgusted with themselves for not “fighting back.”
Such contradicting feelings could be normal. However, the thoughts attached to them wouldn’t necessarily be true, Hussein mentioned. “It is very important for male survivors to always remember that they did what seemed best at the time to survive, there’s nothing less masculine about that”.
Hussein: some men would punish themselves by getting into self-destructive behavior after being sexually assaulted
As a result of the survivor's guilt, shame and anger, some men would punish themselves by getting into self-destructive behavior after being sexually assaulted. This could be translated into excessive aggressiveness, like arguing with friends or co-workers or even picking fights with strangers, Hussein said. Many men would pull back from relationships and wind up feeling more and more isolated. And that is the reason why male survivors of sexual assault would be at increased risk for getting depressed, getting into trouble at work, getting physically hurt, or developing alcohol and drug problems.
Hussein said to “Trendify” that talking about the assault will help the survivors feel better, but may also be really hard to do. In fact, it’s common that male assault victims would want to avoid conversations and situations that may remind them of the assault. they might have a sense of wanting to “get on with life” and “let the past stay in the past.” This could be a normal part of the recovery process and may last for weeks or months.
“Eventually they will need to deal with their feelings in order to heal and regain a sense of control over their own life”, Hussein said. Talking with someone who could listen and understand, whether it’s a friend, family member, hotline counselor or therapist would be a key part of the process, they should do it when they are ready.
Male survivor story
A.M, 26 years old said “I was sexually assaulted when I was 16 by a family member, I could not say anything about it until last year when the #MeToo movement started on twitter”. The movement that encouraged victims to open up about assault incidents as part of recovery journey and spreading awareness, encouraged A.M to let it out after about a decade of contradicting feelings and complete silence about the incident.
“My family knew of it when I put a white flag next to my name on twitter as an expression of being subject to assault”, A.M said to “Trendify”.
A.M: We live in a society that only blames the victim and if the victim is a man then they would call him names and accuse him of being a homosexual
Fear of being judged represented a major reason why A.M chose silence from the beginning despite the vividly lasting memory of the incident. “We live in a society that only blames the victim and if the victim is a man then they would call him names and accuse him of being a homosexual”.
Despite all the fears the sexual survivor was encouraged to speak when everyone started talking about and he felt “triggered”. “I felt like I should finally speak because somehow I wasn't alone, not to mention the unexpected support from all of the people who knew about it”.